In the “jargon” of mental health professionals one frequently hears the term “acting-out.” It is amazing how frequently this term is misused. As was the case with “denial” true acting-out is an unconscious ego defense mechanism. Without knowing it, persons who act-out engage in some kind of behavior (as opposed to a psycho-physiological or other kind of “symptom”) that serves to ease the emotional pain and anxiety associated with an unconscious conflict between their primal instincts and their conscience. A good example would be an overworked and underpaid worker who slaved all night to finish a project and when he placed it on his boss’s desk, the only thing this taskmaster had to say was “Well, it’s about time!” On his way back to his desk, the worker mutters under his breath “That SOB!.” He then enters the washroom and begins to wash his hands. He washes, and washes…..and washes. He washes until his hands turn red. He’s not aware of it, but he seems to engage in this compulsion whenever he feels bad inside about thinking ill toward another. That’s not right, after all. On the one hand, he wants to tell his boss where to go. On the other hand, he’s grateful to have a job and he’s been taught well that bearing ill feelings toward another is the work of the Devil. He feels so unclean when he “slips” and says those things under his breath. His compulsion is an instance of displaying through an action the conflict that rages within him. It helps relieve the anxiety he feels to some degree, but it doesn’t really solve the problem. Yet it gives him enough relief that he does this over and over again in similar situations, with no insight into the “dynamics” of the situation. In the end, we have a behavior (handwashing) that is a “symptom” (called a “compulsion”) that represents an unconscious way to mediate underlying emotional pain. This is what the term “acting-out” has historically meant to describe.
Acting-up, (i.e. conscious, deliberate misbehaving) is NOT acting-out. It is truly appalling how many times people use the term acting out to refer to someone who’s simply exhibiting undesirable behavior. I hear TV commercials by behavioral therapists offering to fix your child’s “acting-out” behaviors, and see rules in psychiatric hospitals and residential centers forbidding “sexual acting-out” or other inappropriate conduct. One online psychiatric glossary even gave two definitions for acting-out, one correct, the other being the mistaken notion that has so deeply crept into the popular lexicon that it’s made a correct understanding of the concept almost impossible.
The real danger in misusing this term is that one can make a disastrous presumption that every time someone acts in an inappropriate manner, they’re necessarily and unconsciously playing out some kind of inner conflict (i.e. unresolved “issues”), when the fact may be that they’re simply engaging in immature, irresponsible behavior which they’re aware they shouldn’t be doing and that’s completely within their ability to control. Misperceiving the nature of circumstances is a major way people end up being abused by irresponsible characters. It’s also how clinicians inadvertently enable irresponsible behavior instead of fostering real change. Words mean things. We can’t communicate effectively unless we use words correctly. To do that, we have to know what the words actually mean. Acting-up is not acting-out.
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